Foolish Thoughts

Maybe I’m dreaming.

…she felt the way you do at night, lost in a dream you have had before and are now beginning to dream all over again: certain that it exists and certain that it will end, and you want it to end because you’re not sure you’ll be able to bear it, and you also want it to go on so you’ll know how it comes out.

-Story of O, by Pauline Reage

While reading, Ariel Levy’s Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture, I was educated on the surprisingly popular procedure called “vaginoplasty” or “vaginal rejuvenation.” Ok, first, what the hell is vaginoplasty and why would I want my vagina rejuvenated? But then again, I was clueless to what it was.  So, I read on to learn that “it is a cosmetic operation to alter the labia and vulva so they look more like the genitals one sees in Playboy or porn.”  Yes, that’s right, it’s so your Va-J.J. can look like all the other skank whores that reside in your favorite porn.  However, this procedure is for looks only.  That’s right ladies; it does not enhance sexual pleasure, contrary to what the word ”rejuvenate” might lead you to believe.  No, no, no.  Surgeons warn that having “this procedure can cause painful scarring and nerve damage that impede sexual function (i.e., make the vulva painfully hypersensitive or numb?)”  YES, please, sign me up!  There’s nothing more I want than a hypersensitive numb VAGINA!  Though, apparently, there is a huge demand for it.   Now, I’ve heard about women wanting to have their clitoral hoods reattached or having their hymen sewn back together so they feel and look like a virgin again.  Seriously, do you really think your man doesn’t know that you’re not a virgin?  Please.  Once your cherry is popped, that’s it, there’s no going back and re-attaching it to the tree.  And having an expensive surgery is not going to change it. This whole idea disturbs me to no end, along with rejuvenating your vagina.  Who comes up with this stuff?  Who, I ask you…WHO?

*UPDATE: I wasn’t saying that the clitoral hood, the hymen or cherry popping have anything to do with virginity.  I was merely saying that there are silly girls who do.  Trust me, these gullible girls are out there, they’ll believe anything.

While reading a book, if I’m really into it, I begin to place myself into the story.  Usually the main character is who I become.  But when I don’t care for the main character or I can’t relate then, I place myself in the role of the supportive character.  Sometimes the best friend is more exciting.  In Belle de Jour, the main character, Belle, is a call girl.  The opening sentence in the book is: “The first thing you should know is that I’m a whore.”  I knew from that sentence alone I was going to enjoy the book, but I had no idea I would enjoy it this much.

I have found that reading just before I fall asleep, I tend to dream what my brain has just processed, incorporating that into the events of my day.  Usually, I only remember bits and pieces, or nothing at all.  I will wake up and realize I was only dreaming, and laugh.  However, the last few mornings I’ve woke up and thought, “I need a shower.”  These dreams have been so detailed and graphic that they feel real.  I remember every detail, down to what I said, what I was wearing, what they were wearing (yeah, there was always more than one), how many times, and where.   It was THAT real.

No, I’m not complaining, the dreams are great.  But, it’s too much every night.  I’m tired.  I normally don’t sleep well, so I don’t need to add to it by reading call girl books before bed…once or twice a week is ok though.  So tonight, I’ll be reading Nigella Lawson’s, Feast.  There shouldn’t be anything sexual in a cook book, though, I find Nigella very sexy.