March 09, 2008

changes

Today I’ve been in a state of blah.  I’m not really sure where it’s coming from.  Generally, I’m a happy person, or at least content.  I’m easy going, not easily bothered, and it really takes a lot to upset me.  But today, I don’t know, I’ve just been argh.  This morning I woke up so angry and I didn’t even know why.  I didn’t want to get out of bed, but I didn’t want to lay there either.  I wanted to go out, but I wanted to stay at home.  I was hungry, but nothing appealed to me.  Nothing satisfied me, nothing, not even my clothes.  They actually hurt next to my skin.  Maybe it’s the weather?  Maybe I’m just ready for spring and the sun and its warm rays?  Maybe I’m ready to move forward, move on, move out, something?  Today I just really needed someone to hold me and there was no one there.  And I think what makes me angry is that I’m the one to blame for this.  It’s my fault I’m alone.  I’ve chosen to be alone…for the most part.  Overall, it’s been my decision.  But I’ve been thinking that maybe I don’t want to be alone anymore.  I don’t want to do it by myself.  I need someone to fill this emptiness, this void, this anger.  Change is hard, that I know, but I’m ready for a change.  So I’ve decided to make some changes.  I’m going to try and be more open.  I’m going to be more, care more, love more, because I’m tired of feeling alone and angry all the time.
Posted by brooke alexandra at 01:10:53 | Permanent Link | Comments (7) |
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1 - Hi, very deep. think positive and you'll get there

rtblondon@yahoo.co.uk (Comment this)

Written by: R at 2008/03/09 - 04:19:59
2 - But I’ve been thinking that maybe I don’t want to be alone anymore.
Me too, though, its difficult finding that person to let in.. good luck :) (Comment this)

Written by: Scotty at 2008/03/09 - 12:30:38
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3 - R: Hello, thanks for stopping by and reading. I'm trying to be positve and see only positive in everything...we'll see how it goes.

Scotty: It is difficult. I'm not a very trusting person, but I'm really working on opening up and letting people in. And thank you, and good luck yourself. Keep me posted. (Comment this)

Written by: brooke alexandra at 2008/03/09 - 15:22:51
4 - I'm reading Oprah's new book club book, A New Earth. I don't know, this reminds me of what they might be talking about in it.

Chin my my dear friend. You have so much going for you and are such a wonderful, kind hearted person. You deserve all of the happiness in the world.

Let's chat this weekend, for sure. (Comment this)

Written by: brookem at 2008/03/09 - 15:47:07
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5 - brookem: You brighten up and bring a smile to my face, always. I just love you. I hate that we don't live closer. But come May we will be only a few short hours and a train ride away. I expect your ass to be in NY all the time!

I've been looking for a new book. I believe I'm going to have to go pick "A New Earth", I've heard good things about it.

And yes, let’s chat. It may have to be on IM...sadly, I'm already over my minutes. A $200 phone bill almost did me in last month!
 (Comment this)

Written by: brooke alexandra at 2008/03/09 - 16:45:00
6 - Let's have wine together tonight. I'll find you on the internets if it's the last thing I do! And we can sip wine and catch up. xo (Comment this)

Written by: brookem at 2008/03/12 - 09:47:13
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7 - brookem: Sounds wonderful! (Comment this)

Written by: brooke alexandra at 2008/03/12 - 13:40:25
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