guest blogging
I was recently asked to do a guest post on brookem's blog. It was an honor to be asked and fun to do. Go check it out!
January 28, 2008
January 23, 2008
mazie rae
Say hello to, Mazie Rae! My sister, Tara received her as a gift for Christmas. I just want to squeeze her, and love her, and eat her, and kidnap her and bring her home to live with me. She gets so excited every time you walk into the room she pees all over herself. It's so cute, yet so disgusting.
View more pictures here.
View more pictures here.
January 22, 2008
story people tuesday: tolerance
Do you ever listen to me? she said & I said I did but sometimes it took a couple of days to sort it out in a way that didn't make me want to murder her in her sleep. storypeople.com
It’s a miracle both my mother and I survived my teenage years. I have a feeling karmas going to be a bitch.
January 21, 2008
guilty feeling
When you feel completely worthless and everyone agrees, when no one sees you, even though you’re right there, what can you do? What can you say? When you don’t have a role, when you’re too tired to play along, what do you do? Why are you here, you don’t do anything? You don’t belong. I want to cry, but I don’t want to feel. I want to go home; I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to smile, let me cry, leave me alone. Stand by my side; make me feel like I belong. I don’t want to complain, I just want to leave, pack up my things and go. What am I doing here? Pull away, stop talking, just smile and they’ll leave you alone. Don’t let them see you this way. Let them know everything is fine, that’s the way they like you. Why aren’t you like them? You don’t belong, you don’t fit in, and they let you know. They tell you to smile, but you can’t…you won’t. Thought you could do it, but they’ve shown you you can’t. Need time to yourself, you’re not used to this many people for so long. They don’t understand that you’re unhappy; you don’t want to be here. I don’t know what they want. I don’t know. They’ve chosen the wrong person. Stop asking if I’m ok…I’M FINE! Some are better than others, most are better than you. Every move I make, left or right, it’s wrong. I don’t know which way to go. They chose you for a reason. Stop judging me. Don’t hate me because I’m not like you. Maybe what I have to give isn’t what you want, but it’s all I have. I may never be what you want me to be. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t need you to pull me. I’m fine. I don’t need your help. You’re not better than me.
I found this scribbled on a piece of paper along with my notes from camp. I don’t remember writing this, but I remember feeling this way and after reading it, all those feelings washed over me and puddle in my gut. I’ve been part of this camp for three consecutive years. Each year has gotten exponentially harder. This past year I was given the opportunity to write the camp story: a day by day account of camp. I was excited. I knew how to do it. I was confident. But just like every year, even though I convince myself that it will be different, and it's probably all in my paranoid head, I never feel like I belong there. It’s a strange, guilty feeling. To work this particular camp is an honor and a great opportunity, but after three years I think I need to move on.
I found this scribbled on a piece of paper along with my notes from camp. I don’t remember writing this, but I remember feeling this way and after reading it, all those feelings washed over me and puddle in my gut. I’ve been part of this camp for three consecutive years. Each year has gotten exponentially harder. This past year I was given the opportunity to write the camp story: a day by day account of camp. I was excited. I knew how to do it. I was confident. But just like every year, even though I convince myself that it will be different, and it's probably all in my paranoid head, I never feel like I belong there. It’s a strange, guilty feeling. To work this particular camp is an honor and a great opportunity, but after three years I think I need to move on.
January 16, 2008
have you hugged your ears today?
If not, give'm a big squeeze! Go listen to the tunes of these ear hugging artists.
Ingrid Michaelson
William Fitzsimmons
Michael Runion
Johnathan Rice
Jay Nash
Rilo Kiley
Chris Kuffner
Whispertown 2000
Johnathan Wilson
Kimya Dawson
Ingrid Michaelson
William Fitzsimmons
Michael Runion
Johnathan Rice
Jay Nash
Rilo Kiley
Chris Kuffner
Whispertown 2000
Johnathan Wilson
Kimya Dawson
January 15, 2008
story people tuesday: partners
“Tied together by stuff too difficult to explain to someone new.” storypeople.com
I’ve been there. In a relationship that isn’t working but you stay together because it’s easier than breaking up and starting over. You rationalize with yourself that this person knows everything and it would be too difficult and complicated explaining to someone new. They do, they know you. They know your favorite song is Wild Horses by the Rolling Stones and they find you softly mumbling the lyrics to Can’t Take My Eye’s Off of You, because that’s what your mom used to sing to you. They know you prefer to watch movies at home with the commentary on and it’s rare that you make it through without falling asleep. They know you prefer wine to beer and you’ll never turn down a shot of tequila. They know when you are mad or upset that it’s best to leave you alone, you don’t want to talk about it. They know you like your coffee with a splash of hot chocolate first thing in the morning. They know, no matter which side of the bed you start on you will eventually end up in the middle, on your stomach, one arm tucked under, the other above your head. They know you love to have your back rubbed as you fall asleep. They know your favorite book is Charlotte’s Web, but you hate the movie. They know you love to look at other families’ photos and how you like to drive at night glimpsing into strangers windows just to see what they’re doing. They know you hate to have your ears touched and you hate the sound and feel of cotton balls. They know you love to take naps on the couch in the middle of the day. They know you can’t sleep with your feet covered. They know your extended family and how at times, they are crazy and loud and how much you are like them no matter how much you hate to admit it. They know you hate to be asked the same question twice, you hate to repeat yourself. They know how sarcastic and mean you can be. They know your favorite place to be is sitting in Hampstead Heath Park in London , reading a book. They know why you have a scar on your right middle finger. They know your favorite restaurants, the color of your eyes, your spot on the couch. They know little things, big things, secrets, stories, events, reasons and explanations. They may not know all of you, but still, they know you. They know too much to simply move on and explain it all to someone new.
But, is that reason enough to stick around? Do you stay because it’s easy? Some do. I did for a really long time. For me it was too hard to explain why I wanted out, why I wanted to leave. We had built a past, a present, and dreamed of a future, but I didn’t want it anymore. But I didn’t know how to tell him. And I thought I’d never find someone who would know and understand me like he did. So I stayed. Then I realized I wasn’t just hurting myself but I was hurting him as well. So I ended it. At the time I didn’t give an explanation, I just said I couldn’t do it anymore. It was hard, for both of us. He didn’t understand and I couldn’t explain it to him. It took years before we were able to speak to each other and be comfortable in the same room. It’s been 6 ½ years now and within the last two months we have made a mends and are trying to be friends again. I’ve missed him. I’ve missed our conversation, our drives, and I’ve missed his family like crazy. I’ve missed out on a friendship that could have been, had I just been straightforward and explained that I wasn’t happy. Instead, I stayed because it was easier. Since then, I’ve made a pact with myself to never settle because it’s easy. It might be hard, but it will also be fun to get to know and share with someone new.
January 11, 2008
an early morning text, with an early morning guy
Brooke: Hey, just wanted to let you know that we had sex last night…twice, in a dream. So I thought it was only right to say, thank you.
Early Morning Guy: As if I needed to be hornier than I am this morning! I hope I was good enough to please you and get a repeat performance. And you’re welcome.
Brooke: Oh, don’t worry, I was fully satisfied…as were you! I wouldn’t mind a repeat performance. In fact, I demand it.
Early Morning Guy: Want the repeat in your dreams or in person?
Brooke: Lets try it in person this time. You know, just to see if we can live up to the dream. I’m confidant we can.
Early Morning Guy: Sounds good, I think we can live up to expectations. I have confidence as well.
Brooke: Just let me know when you’re free.
Early Morning Guy: As if I needed to be hornier than I am this morning! I hope I was good enough to please you and get a repeat performance. And you’re welcome.
Brooke: Oh, don’t worry, I was fully satisfied…as were you! I wouldn’t mind a repeat performance. In fact, I demand it.
Early Morning Guy: Want the repeat in your dreams or in person?
Brooke: Lets try it in person this time. You know, just to see if we can live up to the dream. I’m confidant we can.
Early Morning Guy: Sounds good, I think we can live up to expectations. I have confidence as well.
Brooke: Just let me know when you’re free.
January 08, 2008
story people tuesday: illusion of control
“If you hold on to the handle, she said, it's easier to maintain the illusion of control. But it's more fun if you just let the wind carry you.” storypeople.com
I’m a controller. Not in a sense that I need or try to control everything. But if it is in direct relation to me specifically, then I feel a need to be in absolute charge over it. For instance, work. If there is a job to be done and I am the doer, then you better believe it will be done and under my conditions. There is a certain way I operate, an order to which I execute. This applies to cooking, shopping, driving, money and watching movies. I wish to do these things alone. However, I concede to this notion when I’m entertaining within a group. I resign all control to the group. I’m up for any and all they have to offer. I effortlessly convert into a follower. If a crowd of us are going to dinner, I want someone else to decide where we are going and at what time. Within a group I become easily persuaded, unless, as previously stated, it pertains to work. This originates from college, primarily lab classes, where you work in a group but receive an individual grade. This lesson took only once to learn. I would much rather do all the work, get an A and allow the group to copy, than put my grade into the hands of strangers.
I’m a controller, yet I believe I’m still easy to get along with. I enjoy being alone just as much as with a group. I need to feel like I’m in control at times and out of control and worry free at other times. I need the balance. Some things are important; while others I can sit back enjoy the ride and let the wind carry me.
January 07, 2008
a little diddy about chris and brooke
Recently, my BFF, Chris and I, do to circumstances beyond our control, have not been able to hang out. Basically, I’ve been busy traveling the world; MN, NY and KY. I consider MN another country for weather alone. Here in WV it has been cold, you know, 65 degrees (Global warming, I shake my left fist at you). While in MN it’s been freaking Antarctica , the high being -7. And Chris, well, he’s been busy working and making a baby with his wife, the Amazing Stephanie. So, in a desperate attempt to bridge our friendship gap, we decided to write a song together. It goes a little something like this…enjoy.
“Title yet to be determined”
1st verse: Chris
Lonesome and tipsy;
I’m lonesome and drunk.
My best friend ain’t with me
To talk about stuff
If she can’t get here
Before last call is done
I’ll keep nursin’ this warm beer
‘Till I fall over some.
2nd verse: Brooke
I'm sober and tired;
I'm running behind.
If this cab doesn't hurry
I'm gonna lose my mind.
My best friend’s at the bar,
Alone and drunk.
If I don't get there soon
I'll never catch up.
3rd Verse: Chris
I'm fuzzy and bleary
the room's starting to spin.
The feeling's so bleak
I'd drink tonic and gin.
Outside it's been snowing,
and it's freezing the roads.
If my best friend don't get here
my stomach explodes.
4th verse: Brooke
Testy and angry;
I’m seething to the brim.
I’ll be pissed when I get there
if there’s a cover to get in.
I’ll try calling his cell,
let him know I’m running late.
He’ll forgive me, no matter
Cause I’m his best mate.
“Title yet to be determined”
1st verse: Chris
Lonesome and tipsy;
I’m lonesome and drunk.
My best friend ain’t with me
To talk about stuff
If she can’t get here
Before last call is done
I’ll keep nursin’ this warm beer
‘Till I fall over some.
2nd verse: Brooke
I'm sober and tired;
I'm running behind.
If this cab doesn't hurry
I'm gonna lose my mind.
My best friend’s at the bar,
Alone and drunk.
If I don't get there soon
I'll never catch up.
3rd Verse: Chris
I'm fuzzy and bleary
the room's starting to spin.
The feeling's so bleak
I'd drink tonic and gin.
Outside it's been snowing,
and it's freezing the roads.
If my best friend don't get here
my stomach explodes.
4th verse: Brooke
Testy and angry;
I’m seething to the brim.
I’ll be pissed when I get there
if there’s a cover to get in.
I’ll try calling his cell,
let him know I’m running late.
He’ll forgive me, no matter
Cause I’m his best mate.
January 02, 2008
I could use something a bit brighter
This is my horoscope for today:
I’m not sure what to make of it. I’m still trying to figure out what “old unconscious patterns” it is referring to.
Scorpio Horoscope
(Oct 23 - Nov 21)
The shadows are your preferred playground, even if others aren't eager to join you there. Actually, you will be better off to meet someone halfway, instead of coercing him or her to meet you in the dark. Whatever drama is unfolding now, don't add additional fuel to the fire. Maintaining self-awareness can ease the pressure, but self-control is also required to avoid falling into your old unconscious patterns.
(Oct 23 - Nov 21)
The shadows are your preferred playground, even if others aren't eager to join you there. Actually, you will be better off to meet someone halfway, instead of coercing him or her to meet you in the dark. Whatever drama is unfolding now, don't add additional fuel to the fire. Maintaining self-awareness can ease the pressure, but self-control is also required to avoid falling into your old unconscious patterns.
I’m not sure what to make of it. I’m still trying to figure out what “old unconscious patterns” it is referring to.
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