Foolish Thoughts

You were pure joy right from the start.  I had no idea it was possible to love someone as much as I loved you, the moment I saw you for the first time.  You were small, but bigger than what I was expecting, tiny but long. Your feet and toes were cute and chubby. Your fingers were pink and fragile wrapped around my finger.  You had a head full of gorgeous dark hair, which sadly, later all fell out.  I held you in my arms for what seemed like hours, just looking at you.  I examined every inch of your body, counting every finger and every toe.  You were perfect.

That was a year ago.  Now you are a big girl, walking and exploring around every corner.  Your hair has grown in, but it’s lighter than before.  You don’t have much, but what you have is soft and beautiful.  Though, your mother likes to tease you and say you have a baby mullet.  But don’t worry, one day you will have long dark beautiful hair just like your mom.  You are talking now.  Mostly you make sweet baby noises, but you love to say, “Dad” even if he is not in the room.  I think you do this just to make your mother mad, and it does.  You laugh and get excited over nothing.  You like to scream just to hear your own voice.  You can read books, even though it sounds like gibberish.  I believe you are really reading and you look so cute doing it.  But nothing makes me smile more than to see you crinkle up your nose and show your teeth.  It makes me want to grab you and squeeze you in my arms.  My heart explodes every time you do it.  You also know how to wink.  This trick, your mother taught you will come in handy with the boys later.  But we need to work on winking just one eye, and not two.

There are so many things I want to share and teach you.  I can’t wait to buy you your first caramel latte from Starbucks.   I can’t wait to introduce you to the Wizard of Oz.  Share with you the importance of facial care and cleansing. I can’t wait to tell you about boys and dating…which will be a LONG time from now, because you’re not allowed to date until you are thirty-five.  I can’t wait to teach you the difference between bargain shopping and purchasing crap.  You will know that a girl can never have too many shoes or too many bags, and that it’s ok if it takes more than an hour to get ready.  I look forward to educating you in “good” music, such as; David Gray, Rachael Yamagata, Josh Radin, Damien Rice, Rhett Miller and of course taking you to your first broadway show.  I want to share with you the story about the day your mother and I thought you were coming, and how on the outside I remained calm and collected but on the inside I was a nervous wreck.  Then it turned out that your mom was just sick from eating at Applebee’s.  I want to be able to share my favorite books, authors and poets with you.  But mostly, I want to tell you how wonderful a mother you have.  Lili, you have an incredible mother, one who would do anything for you.  She is strong, independent, beautiful, intelligent, loving, hilarious, intense, and as we both know, is addicted to horrible teeny-bopper music, such Justin Timberlake, who she refers to as “J.T.” because she fancies him. Your mother is someone who you can talk to and come to with anything.  Look up to her, love her, and respect her, she is amazing.

Lili, you mean the world to me.  I know you have only been here a year, but it feels like forever.  I cannot imagine a time without you.  I love everything about you; your sweet smile, sweet smell, sweet voice, and your sweet chubby cheeks.