rejuvenating your Va-J.J.
While reading, Ariel Levy’s Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture, I was educated on the surprisingly popular procedure called “vaginoplasty” or “vaginal rejuvenation.” Ok, first, what the hell is vaginoplasty and why would I want my vagina rejuvenated? But then again, I was clueless to what it was. So, I read on to learn that “it is a cosmetic operation to alter the labia and vulva so they look more like the genitals one sees in Playboy or porn.” Yes, that’s right, it’s so your Va-J.J. can look like all the other skank whores that reside in your favorite porn. However, this procedure is for looks only. That’s right ladies; it does not enhance sexual pleasure, contrary to what the word ”rejuvenate” might lead you to believe. No, no, no. Surgeons warn that having “this procedure can cause painful scarring and nerve damage that impede sexual function (i.e., make the vulva painfully hypersensitive or numb?)” YES, please, sign me up! There’s nothing more I want than a hypersensitive numb VAGINA! Though, apparently, there is a huge demand for it. Now, I’ve heard about women wanting to have their clitoral hoods reattached or having their hymen sewn back together so they feel and look like a virgin again. Seriously, do you really think your man doesn’t know that you’re not a virgin? Please. Once your cherry is popped, that’s it, there’s no going back and re-attaching it to the tree. And having an expensive surgery is not going to change it. This whole idea disturbs me to no end, along with rejuvenating your vagina. Who comes up with this stuff? Who, I ask you…WHO?
*UPDATE: I wasn’t saying that the clitoral hood, the hymen or cherry popping have anything to do with virginity. I was merely saying that there are silly girls who do. Trust me, these gullible girls are out there, they’ll believe anything.
Yeah- woa- OUCH.
“re-attaching it to the tree.” hahaha
Um… I’m asking this question at the risk of revealing myself as being terminally uninformed, in which case my story will be that somehow, somewhere along the line, maybe I was off sick that day, maybe I was on a break…
What’s the connection between clirotal hoods and virginity? ‘Reattached’?!? Lord, who’s been UNattaching them? And how does this fit in with having your cherry popped, ie, your hymen torn?
Female circumcision being conflated with loss of virginity? Suddenly I feel incredibly hesitant to feeling I know *anything* about a woman’s body. But then I’m the guy who spent the better part of a decade in England, where this area of real estate is comically known as your ‘front bum’. (Also as a ‘pixie’, which I warmed to…)
Enquiring minds need to know…before I finally meet my wife…whenever that’ll be.
FROM BROOKE ALEXANDRA: HA! You constantly keep me laughing. Please, please, don’t think you are uneducated or have been left out on some BIG “girl secret.” There IS no connection between clitoral hoods and virginity. The clitoral hood has absolutely nothing to do with whether you are a virgin or not. However, a few and by few I mean MANY young women…unschooled girls believe there is. Some believe, though ridiculous as it is that an intact hymen is evidence of virginity. Of course, this is not true. The only connection I was insinuating was the preposterous notion of having surgery to 1. Have your vagina look like a porn star’s vagina, and 2. Believing that there is actually a surgical procedure to make you a virgin again. Hope this helps, and good luck on finding your wife…she’s out there.
shut up. I am currently reading this book too. just for fun. wow.
Whew! That’s a relief. As an author of erotica, I was fearful I was going to have to go back in and revise almost everything I’ve ever written!
It’s a sad comment on the world we live in that people are addressing the most bizarre of concerns in an effort to somehow procure a better sense of self, yes? (I was going to riff some more on this, squeeze the humour out of the topic, but really, it’s not funny, is it? I wish for all those searching for whatever it is they’re searching for via this kind of endeavour, to find some degree of what they crave, be it as a result of said surgery, or any other Life course they might choose to take. Sad, sad, sad.)